The King Of Kyiv Gets Into A Fight

I often get asked about stories from my time in Ukraine and so I will be publishing a series of these stories.

Nate found me on a 4chan related Discord server known as /aan/, also called Adopt A Neet. This server is focused on helping people make connections and help each other out with common interests with an overall focus on improving oneself. I posted a message offering people to come to Ukraine which interested Nate and so he messaged me. After a very short conversation he booked a flight and had his travel date set. I gave Nate as much advice as I could in preparation and answered all his questions, but he wasn’t ready for the actual experience here in Ukraine.

Nate landed at the airport and took an Uber to Maidan (Independence Square) in Kyiv where I met him. We had dinner at an excellent Georgian restaurant on Maidan called Гамарджоба Генацвале-Gamardzhoba Genacvale which is my second favorite Georgian restaurant here in Kyiv. Of course I am biased here, but the best one is owned by one of my local Ukrainian friend’s parents. We had some excellent food and a few drinks, after which we moved to Copper Pub located on Maidan as well to continue drinking. Copper Pub can be a decent place to meet other expats due to it’s central location and proximity to hotels, and the prices are also decent and the service great.

I was only on my second beer at Copper Pub when a bunch of British guys showed up, possibly already drunk. I was telling Nate some funny stories and imparting some wisdom about Ukraine, what to do and what not to do. We were minding our own business off in a corner of the bar just having a good time. One particular British guy decided to make our conversation his business by eavesdropping and he did not like what he was hearing. He started accusing me of being racist, which was very surprising to me, as of course I am a racist. However, not wanting to make an issue of it and avoid any problems, I decided to go with comedy to hopefully diffuse the situation and get them to leave us alone.

I told the British guy everyone in Ukraine is racist, and also, how could I be racist? I have my Jewish friend Nate here with me and explained it’s all in good humor. I threw up a nazi salute and so did Nate with me and we had a good laugh. Unfortunately, this did not go over very well and they took it the wrong way. However, after a few more exchanges of words I thought things were resolved and we went back to minding our own business. This did not last long. Eventually one of the British guys came over to ask if I really was a racist. Again, I went for the comedy answer and showed him some things on my phone intended to make him laugh. While I was doing this, the original guy who had the real problem with me walked over to me, grabbed my phone out of my hand, and threw it against the bar. I stood up to go recover my phone and decide what to do about this, but the choice was made for me as I got hit in the side as I was standing up.

At that point I knew what needed to be done and I figured I had an advantage. I understand Ukraine and there would be no help coming, and most likely no cops coming either. Still wearing my crown I always wear when out, and with my full force I rammed the guy about 8 feet backwards and slammed him into the bar, then proceeded to beat the shit out of him quickly until he dropped to the floor. A scuffle happened and I got backed into the corner between the wall and the bar, but I never stopped throwing punches as multiple guys rushed me. Like Butterbean the boxer I just kept swinging until there was no one within reach to hit. Some of their group helped recover their guys and they took up position across the bar. Nate remained sitting the whole time, mostly in shock of what had happened so quickly.

The tiny waitress kept asking them to leave as they kept yelling at me. I challenged them to come at me, and certainly the waitress wasn’t going to stop them, but given they had already lost, they decided to leave. I picked up my crown which had fallen off in the fight and recovered my phone from the floor which was functionally undamaged and sat back down and kept drinking my beer. I had done what I had to do in order to protect my client Nate from the British cucks. I told him “Welcome to Ukraine”. Actually this was the only fight I had been in so far in almost 6 months, but there were a few other near altercations with local drunks I managed to avoid.

While going over the fight with Nate a local friend of mine who we will called Vlad texted me he was nearby and so I offered him to join us. A short while later he did and after finishing our drinks the three of us decided to walk over to Kreshchatyk street and help Nate gain some experience talking to women walking by, also called “day game”. We never made it to Kreshchatyk street. Half way there while walking through Maidan Nate broke the number one rule of Ukraine for newcomers, “Do Not Talk To Local Slavic Men”. He saw three guys drinking vodka on Maidan and decided he would ignore this advice and try talking to them. I was nearby talking to some girls so I didn’t see the fight, but the 3 local guys decided to attack Nate and Vlad. Multiple police officers were nearby and just stood there and watched as it happened, as is common in Ukraine. Luckily no one was seriously injured and we got out of there and went our separate ways. Nate learned the reason for the rule and the consequences of ignoring my advice quickly.

I hope you enjoyed the story of my first, and almost second fight in Ukraine, and hopefully this helps you to avoid problems in the future.

Posted in Welcome.